Secnarf Speaks from the Great Beyond

 

 

 

Francie:  Secnarf!  Is it really you?

Secnarf: Sort of.  I'm on the other side now.

Francie: Eek.  You mean you joined the Tories??

Secnarf: Hardly.  Everybody here is a Dipper. 

And it happened long before Jack Layton arrived.

Francie: Jack Layton!  You mean you are ...?

Secnarf: Just tell my fans that I'm at that big Rhinoceros Party of Canada Political Convention in the Great Beyond.

Francie:  Gosh, Secnarf, how did it happen? 

Last we heard you were in Ottawa having secret meetings with Justin Trudeau.

If I remember correctly you were thinking of running for the leadership of the Liberal Party.

Secnarf (sighs):  Yes I was going to call the new party the Progressive Resolute Erudite Persons Occupying Safe Territory Party.

When I combined it with the Rhinoceros Party it would have become the P.R.E.P.O.S.T.EROS PARTY of Canada.

It looked like I was on my way to the top.

But then Bev Oda pushed me into the Rideau Canal.

Francie: That's terrible.

Secnarf: I know. I never got to finish my orange juice.

Francie:  Well I'm sorry to get such terrible news.

Orange juice is just so expensive.

Secnarf:  And so political!

Oh, well I'm off to Quebec.

The provincial election is next week and I'm planning to present the new Rhinoceros Party of Canada platform.

 

We promise to solve the language issue by making everyone speak and write in Cree.

 

We also promise to solve the $16 per glass of orange juice for travelling Canadian politicians problem by annexing the state of Florida and making it our 11th province. 

 

Francie:  Well I'm not sure the Americans won't notice that Florida is missing but it's worth a try I guess.

 

But anyway, Secnarf, I thought you said you were... well, dead.

 

Secnarf:  Hey, I've been in Toronto all week.

 

. 

 

Remember folks:

 

Vote Secnarf

the only politician who looks like a former Cabinet Minister.

Laura's Bridge - Secnarf Speaks

English: Laura Secord warning Lieutenant James Fitzgibbon of an impending American attack, June 1813. Français : Rencontre entre Laura Secord et le lieutenant Fitzgibbon, juin 1813 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Part 2 - The Present

June 22 will be the 199th anniversary of Laura Secord's walk.

The big celebration is next year.

By 'big' celebration I mean big in an understated Canadian kind of way, i.e., there will be a commemorative walk.

But nobody can figure out how we are going to cross Twelve Mile Creek.

That's when I knew I had to find Secnarf.

Francie: Thanks for seeing me, Secnarf.  I know you don't usually dabble in municipal politics but we've got a serious problem.

Secnarf: The Rhinoceros Party is interested in serious problems at the local level.

Francie: Well good, because I'm afraid to say the move is afoot to build a bridge over the Twelve Mile Creek so the hikers commemorating Laura Secord's walk can cross safely.

Secnarf: Ridiculous! Laura Secord shinnied across the creek on a fallen log.

In the dark.

Without shoes.

Hungry.

And she had her period!

Francie: Laura Secord had her period?

Secnarf: It's Secnarf's Law.  Anytime a woman has to go somewhere where it would be totally inconvenient she gets her period.

Francie: Holy cow!

Secnarf: Yes, cow is the key word when we speak of Laura Secord. The people of Niagara don't need a permanent bridge.

Too expensive.  If you elect me

Secnarf,

the only politician who looks

like a cabinet minister,

The Rhinoceros Party of Canada promises to bring a herd of cows down to the creek and you ladies can swim across on their backs.

Totally Laura Secord.

And we'll throw in a box of those Laura Secord Chocolate Miniatures to anybody who makes it across alive.  

 Francie: Wow! Thanks, Secnarf!

Secnarf: No problem:  Don't forget -

Vote Secnarf,

the last remaining member

of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada

and the only politician who looks

like a cabinet minister.

***

Francie: When are you going to update your picture?

Secnarf:  When Bev Oda quits smoking.  Now get lost, will ya.  I gotta rent some cows.