Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Laura's Bridge - Secnarf Speaks

English: Laura Secord warning Lieutenant James...
English: Laura Secord warning Lieutenant James Fitzgibbon of an impending American attack, June 1813. Français : Rencontre entre Laura Secord et le lieutenant Fitzgibbon, juin 1813 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Part 2 - The Present

June 22 will be the 199th anniversary of Laura Secord's walk.

The big celebration is next year.

By 'big' celebration I mean big in an understated Canadian kind of way, i.e., there will be a commemorative walk.

But nobody can figure out how we are going to cross Twelve Mile Creek.

That's when I knew I had to find Secnarf.

Francie: Thanks for seeing me, Secnarf.  I know you don't usually dabble in municipal politics but we've got a serious problem.

Secnarf: The Rhinoceros Party is interested in serious problems at the local level.

Francie: Well good, because I'm afraid to say the move is afoot to build a bridge over the Twelve Mile Creek so the hikers commemorating Laura Secord's walk can cross safely.

Secnarf: Ridiculous! Laura Secord shinnied across the creek on a fallen log.

In the dark.

Without shoes.


And she had her period!

Francie: Laura Secord had her period?

Secnarf: It's Secnarf's Law.  Anytime a woman has to go somewhere where it would be totally inconvenient she gets her period.

Francie: Holy cow!

Secnarf: Yes, cow is the key word when we speak of Laura Secord. The people of Niagara don't need a permanent bridge.

Too expensive.  If you elect me

the only politician who looks
like a cabinet minister,

The Rhinoceros Party of Canada promises to bring a herd of cows down to the creek and you ladies can swim across on their backs.

Totally Laura Secord.

And we'll throw in a box of those Laura Secord Chocolate Miniatures to anybody who makes it across alive.  

 Francie: Wow! Thanks, Secnarf!

Secnarf: No problem:  Don't forget -

Vote Secnarf,
the last remaining member
of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada
and the only politician who looks
like a cabinet minister.


Francie: When are you going to update your picture?
Secnarf:  When Bev Oda quits smoking.  Now get lost, will ya.  I gotta rent some cows.

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Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

Ha ha ha...loved this, Francie! And I really think there's something to Secnarf's Law. Anytime a woman has to go somewhere where it would be totally inconvenient she really does end up getting her period. What's up with that?

Thanks for the laugh! You wacky woman, you :)

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You are brilliant, Secnarf! I'd ride a cow to commemorate Laura Secord!

And hey, did you hear that when Queen Elizabeth visited Canada, they upgraded her hotel room to "the Bev Oda suite"?

Jane said...

Considering the Rhinoceros Party once proposed building a bridge spanning the country, from Vancouver Island to Newfoundland - I don't see their aversion to one across Twelve Mile Creek!

From annoying experience, I think there's definitely something to Secnarf's law.

Magaly Guerrero said...

I would like to be the Dominican ambassador for the walk. I would like to ride across on a goat if that's okay.

And I'm totally there with the bleeding bit, too. For in Dominican history, women were also bleeding whenever they embarked into something difficult.

Oh, I will need a really big goat, one that comes with a projector attached to it. I want to show Trópico de Sangre on the way ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tr%C3%B3pico_de_Sangre)

CorvusCorax12 said...

holy cow lol

momto8 said...

really funny.

Victoria said...

too funny! smiles!