Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Laura's Bridge - Secnarf Speaks

English: Laura Secord warning Lieutenant James...
English: Laura Secord warning Lieutenant James Fitzgibbon of an impending American attack, June 1813. Français : Rencontre entre Laura Secord et le lieutenant Fitzgibbon, juin 1813 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Part 2 - The Present

June 22 will be the 199th anniversary of Laura Secord's walk.

The big celebration is next year.

By 'big' celebration I mean big in an understated Canadian kind of way, i.e., there will be a commemorative walk.

But nobody can figure out how we are going to cross Twelve Mile Creek.

That's when I knew I had to find Secnarf.

Francie: Thanks for seeing me, Secnarf.  I know you don't usually dabble in municipal politics but we've got a serious problem.

Secnarf: The Rhinoceros Party is interested in serious problems at the local level.

Francie: Well good, because I'm afraid to say the move is afoot to build a bridge over the Twelve Mile Creek so the hikers commemorating Laura Secord's walk can cross safely.

Secnarf: Ridiculous! Laura Secord shinnied across the creek on a fallen log.

In the dark.

Without shoes.


And she had her period!

Francie: Laura Secord had her period?

Secnarf: It's Secnarf's Law.  Anytime a woman has to go somewhere where it would be totally inconvenient she gets her period.

Francie: Holy cow!

Secnarf: Yes, cow is the key word when we speak of Laura Secord. The people of Niagara don't need a permanent bridge.

Too expensive.  If you elect me

the only politician who looks
like a cabinet minister,

The Rhinoceros Party of Canada promises to bring a herd of cows down to the creek and you ladies can swim across on their backs.

Totally Laura Secord.

And we'll throw in a box of those Laura Secord Chocolate Miniatures to anybody who makes it across alive.  

 Francie: Wow! Thanks, Secnarf!

Secnarf: No problem:  Don't forget -

Vote Secnarf,
the last remaining member
of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada
and the only politician who looks
like a cabinet minister.


Francie: When are you going to update your picture?
Secnarf:  When Bev Oda quits smoking.  Now get lost, will ya.  I gotta rent some cows.

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