Secnarf Crosses the Floor

This is the third in my series of interviews with Secnarf the independent Rhino candidate from North Pelham. Secnarf's campaign promises include giving women two votes, taking the calories out of chocolate cake, moving the head office of Bell Canada to North Pelham and identifying Rural Canada as 'a Nation within a Nation' in the constitution.




Francie: Well tomorrow is election day.

Do you feel that you ran a successful campaign, Secnarf?


Secnarf: I didn't get enough media coverage.

Not one journalist found out that I went skinny dipping in Vancouver in 1975!


Francie: Scandalous.


Secnarf: I agree, journalists aren't what they used to be.


Francie: I meant your behaviour.


Secnarf: Well I try, but Jack Layton is getting all the attention this week.


Francie: Are you suggesting that Jack Layton and the NDP Party leaked the massage parlour story to keep you out of the headlines?


Secnarf: There is no other possible explanation.


After all, which one of us would the Canadian people prefer to picture naked?



Francie: I am choosing to take that as a rhetorical question.


So Let's talk about your policies.

So far you have weighed in on women's rights, big business, agriculture and the constitution.

What about the climate and the environment?


Secnarf: I pirated the Green Vision.


Francie: You stole the Green Party's platform?


Secnarf: That's what pirates do when they like something.


Francie: Wait, you aren't saying ...


Secnarf: Yes I'm crossing the floor.


Francie: What floor?

You don't have a riding, never mind a seat in the House of Commons.


Secnarf: It's a figure of speech.

I'm joining the Pirate Party of Canada and I'm taking my many supporters with me.


Francie: Have you talked to all three of them about this?


Secnarf: Pirates don't ask, they tell.


Francie: Well this is a surprise.

Any last minute messages for the Canadian people on the eve of the election, Secnarf?


Secnarf: Aye.

Vote, ye scurvey dogs! Vote!

Or ye'll be feeling t' weight o' me sword across yer sorry backsides.

***

SECNARF

THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO LOOKS LIKE A

CABINET MINISTER

and talks like a pirate.

Secnarf - The Only Candidate Who Looks Like a Cabinet Minister






A while back, Secnarf the Independent Rhino candidate from North Pelham took over my face book wall during the controversy over the opening of the DSBN Academy in Niagara. I thought I would check in with her again because of the upcoming Federal election. This is a transcript of our interview.


Francie: Let's start with your political affiliation. You do know that the Rhinoceros Party of Canada is defunct?



Secnarf: It exists in the hearts of all true Canadians.



Francie: Those old enough to remember it I suppose.

Ayway, there is a rumour going around North Pelham that you bought a cigarette from Betty McGlashan for a looney so that you could look tough like Minister of International Cooperation, Bev Oda.



Secnarf: It is a lie. I offered her a looney but she gave it to me for free.



Francie: Okay. Let's talk about your policy.

You have said that if elected you will allow women to vote twice to make up for the years when they weren't allowed to vote at all and you have promised to take all of the calories out of chocolate cake.

Do you have anything else to add to your platform as we move into the next Federal election?



Secnarf: Yes, if I am elected I promise that I will move the head office of Bell Canada to North Pelham so that the CEO and other top Bell Canada executives can enjoy the same dial up Internet service that we rural Canadians enjoy now.



Francie: Why are you dressed like a pirate?



Secnarf: I'm not dressed like a pirate.



Francie: Not only are you dressed like a pirate, your t-shirt says, "Pirate Party of Canada."



Secnarf: (holds up a mirror) Jeesh. This happens whenever I talk about Bell Canada.



Francie: Well I have to run. Thanks for your time, Secnarf.

We'll be in touch throughout the election.

Any last words for today?



Secnarf: Yes. Can I have my pirate hat back?

Vote Secnarf

The only candidate who looks like a cabinet minister

How To Become a Pirate

Image via Wikipedia

Did you watch Market Place last week?

Ostensibly it was a humorous search for Canada's worst cell phone bill.

More pathetic than humorous, I'm afraid.


The three finalists were all people caught in a conglomerate nightmare, either because they had not understood their contract with Bell, Telus or Rogers or because fate had dealt them a bad hand.



The 'winner' had a $17,000.00 cell phone bill with Bell.



He had taken his cell phone to Moscow on his 'trip of a lifetime' and had not understood the consequences of using it while abroad.



Bell said it was his fault.



I agree 100% and his bill should have been, well, (I'm being generous to Bell here, just in case there are some hidden costs I don't know about), $74. 99.



The cost to Bell was $4.00.



Where does Bell get off charging $17,000.00 for something that cost them $4.00?



After Market Place appeared on the scene they lowered the bill to $5,000.00



So kind.



Makes you want to run away and join a pirate ship or something.



Well now you can.

Yes, you can become a pirate!

You can get your own pirate t-shirt 

and

fight the Ship of Corporate Greed

by joining the

Pirate Party of Canada 

(which I first read about in Doug Jamieson's 'Geezer online' blog. 
(http://geezeronline.blogspot.com/)



Here's a little blurb I lifted, (probably illegally), from the manifesto of The Pirate Party of Canada:



"Private monopolies lead to excessive prices and large hidden costs... 


The monopolist’s goal is to avoid fair market price and healthy competition, where as the free marketers focus is on price and quality for the benefit of the consumer...

We aim to limit the abuses committed by such monopolies."





Shiver me timbers, matey!


It's worth a read, so just click on the link above or google 'Pirate Party of Canada'.

Related articles

• Telus profit jumps 45% (theglobeandmail.com)
• 5 ways to save on your cell phone bill (moneyville.ca)
• Pirate Party starts its own ISP (boingboing.net)