Friday, November 19, 2010

The 3 Biggies

White chocolate is marketed by confectioners a...Image via Wikipedia

"Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?"

Our brains are constantly asking those three questions according to Susan Weinschenk, PhD, author of a blog called "100 Things You Should Know About People".

And she's right.

As a matter of fact a bizillion years ago those were the only questions the primitive reptilian part of our brains had to ask in order to survive and keep the species going.

But the 21st Century has made things a lot more complicated.

Every time your inner reptile answers yes to one of the above questions your post modern brain adds, 'but first consider this...'

Here's what I mean:

Inner Reptilian Brain: Can I Eat It?

Post Modern brain: Wait!   Does it have any trans fat? Low saturated fat? Any preservatives? Low sodium? Low cholesterol? Is it lean? How many calories? How many times did you go to the gym this week?

Inner Reptilian Brain: Can I have sex with it?

Post Modern Brain: Wait!  Is it married? Will it tell your husband, wife, partner? Is it HIV positive? Does it have AIDS, herpes or any other sexually transmitted diseases? Is it a psychopath? Is it a member of, or in any way connected to, the Taliban? Is it, or are you, likely to reproduce if you have sex with it?

Inner Reptilian Brain: Will It Kill Me?

Post Modern Brain: Wait!   Are you asking short term or long term? Is this a mugging? a fire? deep water? a fall? an explosion? an accident? Poison gas? Biological or nuclear warfare? Or is this cigarettes? alcohol? drugs? PCBs? carcinogens? pesticides? mercury, mad cow disease?


Well, today I'm here to give you the good news!

My friends, your Post Modern Brain will one day be replaced by your Retired Brain and the answers will be simple again.

The dialogue will go like this:

Inner Reptilian Brain: Can I Eat It?

Retired Brain: Is it chocolate?

Inner Reptilian Brain: Can I have sex with it?

Retired Brain: A slice of Bavarian Triple Chiocolate Cake is orgasmic and less complicated.

Inner Reptilian Brain: Will It Kill Me?

Retired Brain: If it's chocolate, do you care?

Great news, eh?

And you don't even have to thank me for this information.

Just send chocolate!