King Harry of Canada

My friend, Barb, posted a most interesting article on fb from Psychology Today entitled, "Tribal Weddings and Democratic Stability".


The author, Robin Fox, believes that we humans are not "wholly rational creatures" and even the most "atheistic and ruthlessly secular" among us realize we need our rituals and tribal customs.

The author, being American, was primarily focused on the way the Brits accomplish these things, i.e., very well, with the Monarch being more or less eternal, versus the American method which is less successful but has its moments - think of the American reverence for their flag, their founders etc.


I was immediately struck by the fact that in Canada we have neither.


We don't have our own royal family and our country wasn't born and formed out of endless vats of blood, fields of bleached bones and wonderful gallows quotes such as, "Give me liberty or give me death!"


"Fuddle duddle" or even the historical "How much for that beaver pelt?"  don't exactly send shivers of national pride up and down your spine.


We experience our tribal rituals vicariously through the British and our national attitude to our own history is simply that everyone has always done what they had to do and it is no big deal.



Now I have to tell you that I have no great love for the British royal family.

I do however think a constitutional monarchy is a very effective method of government for the same reasons Ms Fox gives:

The monarch provides the fixed centre of legitimate authority that is unchallengeable, and thus leaves the politicians free to be politicians and vulnerable to challenge.



Canada, we need a monarch.

We need one that comes with all of the monarchic trappings: the history, the scandals, the wardrobe.



We need Good King Harry.



I propose that we offer Prince Harry the Kingship of Canada.

It would free us from the British Royal line while still keeping our connections.

No hurt feelings!

 (Okay, maybe a few noses out of joint in Quebec but that's the norm and besides their ancestors got rid of their king so there's no French prince or princess available.)


Join me in my crusade to bring our King home!

You can actually choose who you would like to be our monarch by voting in the poll in the uper right hand corner of this blog.

You can vote for as many of them as you like. 

Write in suggestions are welcome in the comments below. 


Long live King Harry of Canada!



p.s.  Sorry there aren't any links here.  My linker programme isn't working at the mo.

By This Umlaut Ye Shall Conquer

Apparently Queen Elizabeth II of England is arriving in Canada on June 28.

No doubt she read my January, "Queen of (Seal) Hearts" blog, and is trying to reëstablish her sovereignty. Personally I think it is too little, too late. However we do need to tread carefully here. We don't want the Brits to get cranky with us because there is nothing they like better than a good invasion now and then. That's when they get all lean and noble like Alec Guinness or David Niven say things to each other like, "Damn those colonials all to hell, old chap." Which is very intimidating.

Michaëlle Jean's tenure as Governor General ends in September. Rumours are aswirl that Elizabeth II may appoint a new GG while she is here. We need to politely decline the English Queen's appointment and get on with our future as a constitutional monarchy with our own monarch.

In my January blog I presented all of the reasons why Michaëlle Jean should replace Elizabeth II and become our Queen, i.e., the wardrobe, the contacts, the goofy husband, the daughter, etc., but not being aware of it at the time, I unwittingly left out the key argument, which is of course - her umlaut! How regal is that? I spotted in on the official GG website this week. Very impressive. Definitely a sign from heaven that this was meant to be, sort of like Constantine's, " in this sign ye shall conquer".

So here's the thing. We need to coördinate and double our efforts. We must continue our letter writing campaign to every MP and MPP, except maybe Helena Guergis. Letters are important and they work, they really do, but we need something even more powerful to muster the troops.

Think umlaut, my friends. As a show of solidarity with our future queen, I think Canadians should revert to using the umlaut which evidently hasn't been seen here since the 1940s. It disappeared about the same time as the last timber rattle snake was seen in Niagara.

It is very easy to figure out when to use one. Whenever two vowels that are usually a digraph, (i.e., make one sound, example: ea makes the ee sound), but are not a digraph because each vowel makes a different sound, the umlaut goes over the second vowel. For example cooperation which to a new reader of English probably looks like it must be a type of chicken farm, would be spelled coöperation.


It is a little more difficult figuring out how to get them. You need to go to accessories, then system tools, then use the character map.  Unfortunately there is a lot of cutting and pasting and I haven't figured out how to get the font right yet - but the cause is just!


Time is short and there is much to be done. To arms!

Oops...I mean:

To Umlauts, Canada!

Queen of (Seal) Hearts

Canada is a constitutional monarchy. There’s no getting around it.

Oh I’m not complaining, most of the time it works quite well. Sometimes it is even fun – lots of pomp and ceremony. The only real problem is the monarch with whom we are constitutional. She isn’t Canadian, she lives far, far away and she doesn’t appear to be much interested in us.

I don’t think she knows or cares how the Leafs are doing. I doubt she marks the coming of spring by the start of the annual Tim Horton’s ‘Roll up the Rim to Win’ coffee cup contest. She has probably never bought a ticket that required her to guess the time and day the ice will go out in a Canadian river. Nor has she likely ever rejoiced at the return of the first humming bird in May.

This regal disinterest has been a concern of mine for some time so when I read the wonderful book, ‘King John of Canada’, by Scott Gardiner I was ecstatic. “What a great idea!” I thought. “We’ll say thanks to Britain for the laws and the system of parliament and the loan of their queen. Then we’ll sell tickets and have a draw to find a home grown King or Queen of Canada.” Great fund raiser for our health care system.

But then I began to worry that Don Cherry would win, or Celine Dion, or, (horrors), Mel Lastman. (Who would be a better king than Badboy? NOOOOBODY!) It just didn’t seem workable and I slipped back into constitutional lethargy.

Recently however, I have been rethinking the whole idea. Canada, we don’t need to have a contest to find a new monarch! We have the perfect person in place already. She has the class, the wardrobe, the international contacts, and the courage. (Be honest, how many of us would be able to chow down on raw seal heart?)

That’s right, folks, I propose that we offer Michaelle Jean the job of Queen of Canada.

If she has political opinions, she keeps them to herself. She has a slightly goofy husband which is ‘de rigueur’ for queens and will certainly earn her the sympathy of all Canadian women. She has a way with common people and is sensitive to our multi-cultural society. She has a daughter so the succession is ensured. And she is already living at Rideau Hall; we won’t even have to pay moving expenses!

But we have to put a rush on it, Canada, she won’t be Governor General much longer.

Write to your local MPs and MPPs. Start a face book petition. Cut out a red heart and put it in your rear car window or attach it to your backpack, (symbolic of the seal heart). Design a truly Canadian crown for her coronation ceremonies.

And somebody, please, please, please, write us a new national anthem for the occasion.


*first posted to the St. Catharines Standard Blogsite