This is the third in my series of interviews with Secnarf the independent Rhino candidate from North Pelham. Secnarf's campaign promises include giving women two votes, taking the calories out of chocolate cake, moving the head office of Bell Canada to North Pelham and identifying Rural Canada as 'a Nation within a Nation' in the constitution.
Francie: Well tomorrow is election day.
Do you feel that you ran a successful campaign, Secnarf?
Secnarf: I didn't get enough media coverage.
Not one journalist found out that I went skinny dipping in Vancouver in 1975!
Secnarf: I agree, journalists aren't what they used to be.
Francie: I meant your behaviour.
Secnarf: Well I try, but Jack Layton is getting all the attention this week.
Francie: Are you suggesting that Jack Layton and the NDP Party leaked the massage parlour story to keep you out of the headlines?
Secnarf: There is no other possible explanation.
After all, which one of us would the Canadian people prefer to picture naked?
Francie: I am choosing to take that as a rhetorical question.
So Let's talk about your policies.
So far you have weighed in on women's rights, big business, agriculture and the constitution.
What about the climate and the environment?
Secnarf: I pirated the Green Vision.
Francie: You stole the Green Party's platform?
Secnarf: That's what pirates do when they like something.
Francie: Wait, you aren't saying ...
Secnarf: Yes I'm crossing the floor.
Francie: What floor?
You don't have a riding, never mind a seat in the House of Commons.
Secnarf: It's a figure of speech.
I'm joining the Pirate Party of Canada and I'm taking my many supporters with me.
Francie: Have you talked to all three of them about this?
Secnarf: Pirates don't ask, they tell.
Francie: Well this is a surprise.
Any last minute messages for the Canadian people on the eve of the election, Secnarf?
Vote, ye scurvey dogs! Vote!
Or ye'll be feeling t' weight o' me sword across yer sorry backsides.
THE ONLY CANDIDATE WHO LOOKS LIKE A
and talks like a pirate.