Tuesday, December 17, 2013

What Are Friends For?

Narcissus
Narcissus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was raised to be polite to people and to ask them questions about themselves when conversing.

And that works okay, as long as the other person plays by the same rules.

The danger is that a narcissist simply talks about him or herself and at the end of the interaction the polite person is sucked dry of any feelings of self worth.  

 

Sometimes a 'friendship' with a narcissist can develop if there is enough entertainment value in the relationship, you have shared experiences and/or there are open doors that that would otherwise be closed to the polite person.

 

(I didn't say polite people are smart or even overly moral people.)

 

Anyway, I've had a lifelong 'friendship' with a narcissist.

 

Or I did.

 

After dropping contact with me during a very bleak period in my life a few years ago she suddenly phoned yesterday.

And immediately launched into a monologue about her relationship with her husband & how it has been hell for years & that's why she hasn't been in touch but it's okay now, and her mom has Alzheimer's but she doesn't care and hey she's got this great little website going now, blah blah blah.

No apology. No how are you.

In the old days I would have spent hours listening.

Because that's what friend's do. Right?

(Remember what I said about polite people not always being smart people?)

 

Okay, okay.  I listened yesterday too.

I'm Canadian. I can't help it.

But the difference is that I could feel myself getting more and more enraged as she blathered on.

And then I had a meltdown.

I didn't say anything like I should have said, but I said enough.

And then I hung up.
 
Score one for painful personal growth.  sigh.

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