Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Uncouth in the Country



A photo from 1899 showing the use of toothbrush.Image via Wikipedia


This morning I was trying to get my elderly father out the door and to the dentist's office to get his few remaining choppers cleaned.
Going to town is a change in his routine, and therefore an occasion of great distress for him.


His  life is generally very quiet.
Oh we get visits from neighbours and relatives and the odd politician happens by during an election - but very few strangers turn up on our doorstep.  We don't even get Hallowe'en candy seekers.

So it was a surprise to hear a knock at about 9:30 this morning.

I was in the bathroom but I heard Flynn the dog start her 'stranger danger' barking and her  'stranger danger' house cat chasing.
I emerged from the bathroom with a mouthful of toothpaste and bumped noses with Dad who was waiting for me to come out and deal with the crisis.

Wielding my electric toothbrush with the extra soft bristles as a weapon, I headed for the front door. 
Struggling to keep Flynn back with one hand  I lurched through the door and found two righteous looking ladies standing on my porch.
One of the women waved a pamphlet under my nose that bore the words, "Are Humans Destroying the World" printed against a background of Hellish looking flames.
"Why yes," I put a hand on one hip and tapped my chin thoughtfully with my toothbrush.
 "I believe they are." 


I leaned over and studied the pamphlet  to make sure they weren't from the Green Party and accidentally drooled toothpaste on it.
Just then my father who was wearing his boxers but wasn't wearing his false teeth, started banging at the window, shaking his cane and gumming at me to hurry.
Without saying a single word, the Righteous nervously retreated from the porch and down the driveway.
"Thanks for dropping by," I called out to them.
But they never even turned around.
Jeesh.
Only the couth get saved I guess.

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