Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Queen of (Seal) Hearts

Canada is a constitutional monarchy. There’s no getting around it.

Oh I’m not complaining, most of the time it works quite well. Sometimes it is even fun – lots of pomp and ceremony. The only real problem is the monarch with whom we are constitutional. She isn’t Canadian, she lives far, far away and she doesn’t appear to be much interested in us.

I don’t think she knows or cares how the Leafs are doing. I doubt she marks the coming of spring by the start of the annual Tim Horton’s ‘Roll up the Rim to Win’ coffee cup contest. She has probably never bought a ticket that required her to guess the time and day the ice will go out in a Canadian river. Nor has she likely ever rejoiced at the return of the first humming bird in May.

This regal disinterest has been a concern of mine for some time so when I read the wonderful book, ‘King John of Canada’, by Scott Gardiner I was ecstatic. “What a great idea!” I thought. “We’ll say thanks to Britain for the laws and the system of parliament and the loan of their queen. Then we’ll sell tickets and have a draw to find a home grown King or Queen of Canada.” Great fund raiser for our health care system.

But then I began to worry that Don Cherry would win, or Celine Dion, or, (horrors), Mel Lastman. (Who would be a better king than Badboy? NOOOOBODY!) It just didn’t seem workable and I slipped back into constitutional lethargy.

Recently however, I have been rethinking the whole idea. Canada, we don’t need to have a contest to find a new monarch! We have the perfect person in place already. She has the class, the wardrobe, the international contacts, and the courage. (Be honest, how many of us would be able to chow down on raw seal heart?)

That’s right, folks, I propose that we offer Michaelle Jean the job of Queen of Canada.

If she has political opinions, she keeps them to herself. She has a slightly goofy husband which is ‘de rigueur’ for queens and will certainly earn her the sympathy of all Canadian women. She has a way with common people and is sensitive to our multi-cultural society. She has a daughter so the succession is ensured. And she is already living at Rideau Hall; we won’t even have to pay moving expenses!

But we have to put a rush on it, Canada, she won’t be Governor General much longer.

Write to your local MPs and MPPs. Start a face book petition. Cut out a red heart and put it in your rear car window or attach it to your backpack, (symbolic of the seal heart). Design a truly Canadian crown for her coronation ceremonies.

And somebody, please, please, please, write us a new national anthem for the occasion.

*first posted to the St. Catharines Standard Blogsite

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